John Hanlon Reviews


David Hasselhoff Reveals The 3 Best Ways To Survive A Piranha Attack

Posted in: General  |  By: John Hanlon  |  June 7th, 2012

In the new film Piranha 3DD, link Knight Rider actor David Hasselhoff stars as himself, a celebrity who may be best known for playing a lifeguard on the hit drama Baywatch. But in this horror-comedy, he presents himself as an egomaniac realist who is hired as a lifeguard at a local water park. Of course, Hasselhoff isn’t a real lifeguard – but when terror arrives in the form of dozens of killer piranhas, he is asked to step up and help prevent the ensuing carnage.

But to prevent the type of destruction that is on display in this Piranha 3D sequel, I recently talked to Hasselhoff about how a person could survive a piranha attack – or prevent one in the future. He was happy to offer his advice as a longtime lifeguard (at least he played one on TV).

With that in mind, here is Hasselhoff’s list of the three best ways to survive a piranha attack.

Piranha 3DD Bathtub

‘Stay out of the water’

Sure, staying out of the water is an obvious piece of advice, but it’s one that characters in films like these never seem to follow. Like remaining in a group in a horror movie, staying out of the water in a piranha film is a vitally important piece of advice and one that individuals reject to their detriment.

In real life, staying out of the water is one easy way to prevent yourself from being attacked from a piranha. In Piranha 3DD, youngsters are attacked on water slides, in a lake and in pools. These attacks could have been prevented if these people chose to stay in the sun rather than going in the water. Of course, people inland aren’t always safe– see the movie for details– but staying out of the water is a good first step for surviving.

Piranha 3DD Water Slide

‘Eat a lot of Sushi’

“Fish will not eat Japanese fish ’cause it smells really bad,” Hasselhoff told me. That is why he informed me that eating a lot of sushi is a great way to protect yourself from a massive piranha attack.

Of course, eating sushi could also help diminish the fish population, providing one less item of sustenance for the killer piranha population. So if you want to survive a piranha attack, having a stomach full of sushi might prevent you from being a piranha’s next meal.

Piranha 3DD Christopher Lloyd

Find a way “to morph yourself into a Piranha”

In Piranha 3D and Piranha 3DD, there are dozens of scenes of piranhas eating humans, but very few of them eating their fellow fish. With that in mind, Hasselhoff noted that people need to find a way to morph into a piranha in order to survive the attacks.

He suggested buying a Halloween costume to disguise yourself as a piranha the next time you see them. Any way to confuse an attacking piranha could help provide you with a few extra seconds that you would need to get out of the water. In the new film, the scenes of piranhas eating fellow piranhas are few and far between, as the piranhas focus on their human targets. With that in mind, a piranha disguise might provide just enough cover to survive an attack.

Piranha 3DD Swimmers

So there you have it…

In Piranha 3DD, David Hasselhoff plays a character who is (sometimes) willing to go out of his way to save people from piranha attacks.

With that in mind, it was a great pleasure to talk to this “experienced” lifeguard about ways to protect oneself from being attacked or surviving a piranha attack. Here are Hasselhoff’s three ideas about how people can survive piranha attacks.

  • #1: “Stay Out of the Water”
  • #2: “Eat a lot of Sushi”
  • #3: Find a way “to morph yourself into a Piranha”

Follow these words of advice closely and you might be able to survive a piranha attack, thanks to television icon David Hasselhoff.

As always, make sure you follow me on Twitter @johnhanlon.